Because breastfeeding isn't something you should have to figure out entirely on your own.

We often talk about breastfeeding as though it should simply happen.

Your baby is born. You put them to the breast. They feed. You make milk.

But breastfeeding is much more nuanced than that.

Your baby has innate feeding reflexes. Your body is biologically equipped to produce milk. But breastfeeding itself is a learned skill.

And there are a few things I wish every mother knew before her first breastfeed.

1. Pain deserves attention

Some tenderness can be normal when you're first learning to breastfeed.

You're both learning something new, and your nipples are adapting to a completely new experience.

But persistent pain or nipple damage shouldn't be something you simply tolerate.

Pain can have many contributors, including:

positioning • attachment • nipple trauma • infant oral function • maternal or infant factors

Attachment difficulties are a common contributor to nipple pain, and persistent or severe pain is a reason to look more closely at what is happening during the feed.

This is why simply being told to "push through" the pain isn't always helpful.

Persistent pain is information.

It is a reason to pause, look at what's happening during the feed and seek appropriate support.

Don't normalise ongoing pain. Get support.

2. You shouldn't follow a breastfeeding schedule

Newborns don't follow clocks.

Some feeds will be short. Others will be long. Some days your baby may want to feed frequently, while at other times they may settle for longer periods.

Rather than relying on a rigid timetable, learning your baby's feeding cues allows you to respond to them as they communicate that they're ready to feed. Early cues can include stirring, rooting, opening their mouth, sucking movements and bringing their hands to their mouth. Crying is often a later feeding cue.

And there is another reason this matters.

Milk production is closely connected to milk removal.

If a schedule regularly delays feeds or limits opportunities for milk removal, it can interfere with establishing or maintaining milk supply for some mothers.

Instead of trying to make every feed fit neatly into a timetable, learn to recognise your baby's cues and feed responsively.

This doesn't mean breastfeeding has to feel chaotic.

It means allowing your baby's needs, rather than the clock, to guide feeding.

Watch your baby, not the clock.

3. A tongue-tie release isn't a solution to every breastfeeding problem

Tongue, or lip-tie has become a significant part of the breastfeeding conversation.

But a tie isn't automatically the cause of breastfeeding difficulties.

And releasing one isn't automatically the solution.

Not every baby with a visible frenulum has breastfeeding difficulties, and many feeding problems can have other contributing factors. Current guidance recommends assessing the breastfeeding relationship and addressing positioning and attachment before considering a procedure that has risks. 

Breastfeeding is a whole-body process involving both mother and baby.

Difficulties with feeding can have many contributing factors, including:

positioning • attachment • milk transfer • infant oral function • maternal factors

This is why assessing the whole feed matters.

If we focus exclusively on the appearance of a baby's tongue, we can risk overlooking other factors that may be contributing to pain, inefficient milk transfer or feeding difficulties.

In some circumstances, a release may be appropriate. But it should be considered as part of a thorough assessment rather than an automatic answer to breastfeeding problems.

Look at the whole feed, not just the tongue.

4. Your baby doesn't need to be burped after every feed

Burping is one of those pieces of newborn advice that can feel almost mandatory.

Feed your baby.

Then burp your baby.

But does every breastfed baby actually need to be burped?

Not necessarily.

Some babies may benefit from being held upright after a feed, while others are perfectly comfortable without a burp. 

So if your baby doesn't burp, you don't need to keep patting and patting until you produce one. This may actually cause a vomit. 

And if your baby seems comfortable and settled, that's useful information too.

No burp? No problem.

5. Being at the breast doesn't always mean effective milk transfer

This is an important distinction.

Your baby can be at the breast, feeding frequently and still not necessarily be transferring milk effectively.

Being at the breast doesn't tell us the whole story.

Effective milk transfer involves much more than simply how long your baby feeds.

Positioning and attachment can influence how effectively your baby is able to remove milk. Your baby's oral function, sucking pattern, coordination and other factors can also play a role.

Breastfeeding Is More Than Following the Rules

There is so much breastfeeding noise... And the frustrating thing is, much of it makes no sense.

Feed every X hours.

Feed for X minutes.

Always burp.

Don't let the baby fall asleep at the breast.

Release the tongue tie.

Push through the nipple pain.

Let them cry!!

And when you're a new mother, it can be incredibly difficult to know which advice matters, which advice is outdated and which advice actually applies to your baby.

I don't believe mothers need another list of rules.

I believe they deserve understanding.

Understanding your baby's feeding cues.

Understanding positioning and attachment.

Understanding how milk transfer works.

Understanding what is normal, what deserves attention and when to ask for help.

Because breastfeeding isn't instinctive for your baby or you.

It is something you and your baby learn together.

And you shouldn't have to figure it all out alone.

Want to Understand Breastfeeding Before You Have To?

I've created BREASTFEEDING A Guide for Mothers to help you understand the mechanics of breastfeeding, rather than simply giving you another list of instructions.

Inside the guide, we explore:

• How your baby's suck actually works
• The biomechanics of breastfeeding
• How to breastfeed
• Milk transfer
• Feeding cues
• Expressing colostrum
• Responsive feeding
• Paced bottle feeding
• Common breastfeeding challenges
• Reflux
• Colic like symptoms

You don't need to know everything before your baby arrives. But having the right information can make breastfeeding feel a whole lot less overwhelming.

Explore Breastfeeding: A Guide for Mothers →

This article is intended for education and does not replace individual assessment or clinical breastfeeding support. If you are experiencing persistent pain, concerns about milk transfer, your baby's growth or other feeding difficulties, seek individual support from an appropriately qualified health professional.