We expect breastfeeding to happen naturally.
Your baby is born, you place them at the breast, and somehow the two of you are just supposed to know what to do.
But breastfeeding is more nuanced than that.
Your baby is born with remarkable feeding reflexes. Your body is biologically prepared to make milk. But breastfeeding itself is a skill that you and your baby learn together.
And I think mothers deserve to hear that before they find themselves sitting on the edge of the bed at 3am wondering why something that was supposed to be natural feels so difficult.
Your baby is born with feeding reflexes, but breastfeeding still takes practice
Newborns are born with instincts and reflexes that help them find the breast and begin feeding.
They can root, open their mouths, suck, swallow and coordinate feeding with breathing. Skin-to-skin contact can help support these behaviours and give your baby the opportunity to move towards the breast and attach.
But a successful breastfeed involves much more than simply sucking.
Your baby is learning how to:
- find and attach to the breast
- coordinate their tongue, jaw and mouth
- maintain an effective attachment
- coordinate sucking, swallowing and breathing
- respond to the changing flow of milk
- communicate when they are hungry, satisfied or need a pause
And you're learning too.
You're learning how to position your baby, recognise their feeding cues, understand their behaviour, support your milk supply and recognise what a comfortable, effective feed looks and feels like.
You are both learning a new skill together.
So why do we expect mothers to just know?
One of the most common messages mothers hear is that breastfeeding is "natural."
And while breastfeeding absolutely is a biological process, natural doesn't necessarily mean intuitive or effortless.
Babies have the reflexes that help them find the breast, but they still develop their feeding skills through experience. The Australian Breastfeeding Association describes the early days as a time of learning together, with positioning and attachment often requiring practice.
Think about what is actually happening during a feed.
Your baby's tongue and jaw are moving.
Their mouth is forming an attachment with your breast.
They are managing milk flow.
They are coordinating sucking, swallowing and breathing.
Your breasts are responding to stimulation and milk removal.
And you're simultaneously learning how to hold, position and respond to your baby.
That's a lot for two people who have never breastfed together before.
No wonder it can take a little practice.
The problem isn't always that breastfeeding is "hard"
Sometimes breastfeeding genuinely is challenging.
There can be medical, anatomical, physiological and practical factors that affect feeding.
But sometimes the difficulty comes from not understanding what we're looking at.
A mother might wonder:
"Why does my baby keep coming off the breast?"
"Why does breastfeeding hurt?"
"Is my baby actually getting enough milk?"
"Why is my baby feeding so frequently?"
"Does this mean I have low milk supply?"
"Why is my baby unsettled after feeding?"
"Is this latch actually effective?"
Without an understanding of breastfeeding, these questions can quickly turn into fear.
And when you're exhausted and surrounded by conflicting advice, it's very easy to assume:
Something is wrong with my baby.
Something is wrong with my milk.
Something is wrong with me.
But before jumping to that conclusion, we need to understand what is actually happening during the feed.
Breastfeeding advice needs to go beyond "just get a good latch"
Mothers are often given simple instructions:
Get a deep latch.
Feed every three hours.
Keep baby on for 10 minutes each side.
Pump after feeds.
Don't let baby use you as a dummy.
If baby is unsettled, maybe you don't have enough milk.
Some of these approaches may have a place in specific circumstances.
But some of these statements I don't agree with.
There isn't one position that works for every mother and baby. There isn't a universal amount of time every baby should spend at the breast.
And your baby's behaviour cannot always be interpreted without considering the bigger picture.
We need to look at the whole feed.
How is your baby positioned?
How are they attaching?
What are their tongue and jaw doing?
Are you seeing and hearing swallowing?
How is milk transfer?
How is your milk flowing?
Is your baby comfortable?
What are their feeding cues telling you?
And importantly:
How are you feeling?
Because supporting breastfeeding isn't simply about getting milk from breast to baby.
It is also about supporting the mother who is doing the feeding.
Your baby's feeding cues are part of the conversation
Breastfeeding isn't supposed to be a one-way transaction.
Your baby is constantly communicating with you.
Early feeding cues can include:
- stirring or becoming restless
- turning their head and rooting
- opening their mouth
- moving their tongue
- sucking on their hands
- making sucking movements
Crying is often a later feeding cue.
Learning to recognise these cues can help you understand what your baby is asking for before they become distressed.
And the same applies during the feed.
Your baby may communicate through changes in their sucking, swallowing, body movements and behaviour.
The more you understand your baby's language, the less you have to rely on a clock.
Understanding can change the experience
This is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about evidence-based breastfeeding education.
When you understand why something is happening, you're often able to approach it differently.
Instead of:
"My baby has been feeding for an hour. Something must be wrong."
You can begin to ask:
"What is my baby actually doing during this feed?"
Instead of:
"My baby keeps coming off, so I must not have enough milk."
You can ask:
"What could be contributing to this feeding behaviour?"
Instead of:
"Breastfeeding hurts, but everyone says it's normal."
You can ask:
"Why is it hurting, and can we work out what is contributing to that pain?"
That shift from fear to curiosity can be incredibly powerful.
You don't need to become a breastfeeding expert
This isn't about giving mothers another enormous list of things to remember.
You've already got enough on your plate.
It's about giving you enough understanding to feel more confident observing what's happening between you and your baby.
To recognise feeding cues.
To understand positioning and attachment.
To understand milk transfer.
To recognise when something may need further support.
And to know that asking for help isn't an indication that you've failed.
Sometimes you simply need someone to help you understand what you're seeing.
Why I created BREASTFEEDING: a guide for mothers
This is exactly why I created BREASTFEEDING: a guide for mothers
As a dietitian and a new mum myself, I experienced firsthand how powerful evidence-based breastfeeding education can be, particularly during those early weeks when self-doubt is high and everyone seems to have an opinion.
Having the right information helped me slow down.
It helped me understand what was happening during feeds.
It helped me trust my body and my baby.
And most importantly, it helped me enjoy learning to breastfeed rather than feeling like I was constantly trying to get it "right."
That's the experience I want more mothers to have.
Want to understand breastfeeding before you're in the thick of it?
I've brought the evidence, breastfeeding biomechanics, positioning, attachment, milk transfer, expressing, responsive feeding and practical guidance together in:
BREASTFEEDING: a guide for mothers
A resource to help you understand breastfeeding, feel more confident and approach the early days with less fear and more knowledge.