Breastfeeding is not supposed to hurt.
While some mothers experience tenderness in the first few days as they and their baby learn to breastfeed, ongoing, pinching, rubbing, pulling, nipple pain or damage is worth paying attention to.
If breastfeeding hurts, you may have been told that your baby simply needs to "get used to breastfeeding" or that your nipples need to "toughen up."
But your nipples don't need to toughen up.
Sometimes, the discomfort is a sign that your baby's positioning, attachment or feeding mechanics could be adjusted.
And importantly, a latch doesn't need to look "perfect" to be effective. What matters is whether your baby is comfortably and effectively transferring milk.
Here are some of the common breastfeeding positioning and attachment habits I encourage mothers to reconsider.
1. The outdated recommendation of "nose to nipple"
You may have been taught to position your baby with their nose to your nipple when bringing them to the breast.
While this advice is commonly taught, it can sometimes make it harder for you and your baby to achieve a comfortable, deep attachment.
When the nipple begins too far forward, your baby may need to draw the nipple backwards towards the centre of their mouth as they attach.
This can create unnecessary pulling or dragging on the nipple.
Instead, think "mouth to nipple."
Position your baby so that the centre of their mouth is aligned directly with your nipple.
Your baby's jaw needs to drop and their mouth needs to open widely so they can take a generous mouthful of breast tissue.
The goal isn't simply to get the nipple into your baby's mouth.
The goal is to allow your baby to take the breast deeply and comfortably, with the nipple sitting further back in their mouth.
This can support more comfortable feeding and more effective milk transfer.
2. Don't get too distracted by "special K lips"
One of the most commonly taught signs of a "good latch" is beautifully flanged or turned-out lips.
You may have been told to check that your baby's lips look like a little "K" around the breast.
But while lip position can provide useful information, it shouldn't be the main measure of attachment.
Honestly, I don't want to see your baby's lips.
In a deep attachment, the lower half of your baby's face should be deeply nestled into the breast tissue, with their mouth taking a generous amount of breast rather than simply attaching to the nipple.
So rather than checking whether your baby's lips are perfectly "flanged", look at the depth of the attachment. Is your baby's lower face deeply into the breast? Is their mouth wide open? Is their body well supported and aligned? Most importantly, is feeding comfortable and is your baby effectively transferring milk?
3. Bringing the breast to your baby
When you're trying to help your baby latch, it can be tempting to lean forward, push your breast towards your baby's mouth or hold your breast in place throughout the feed.
Supporting or shaping the breast isn't helpful.
Your baby should ultimately be brought to the breast, rather than continually bringing the breast to your baby.
Once your baby is attached, your position should feel relatively sustainable.
Ask yourself:
"Can I relax my shoulders and arms once my baby is attached?"
If you're constantly holding your breast, leaning forward or repositioning yourself to keep the latch in place, it may be worth reassessing your positioning.
Bring your baby close, support their body and allow them to take the breast rather than continually moving the breast towards them.
4. Your baby's body position matters too
Attachment doesn't happen in isolation.
Your baby's whole body position can influence how easily they achieve and maintain a deep, comfortable attachment. When your baby is well supported, close to your body and well aligned with the breast, it can reduce pulling and tension on the nipple, helping to make breastfeeding more comfortable.
Good positioning isn't about creating one rigid "perfect" breastfeeding position.
It's about creating a position where your baby can feed effectively and you can remain comfortable.
What should breastfeeding actually feel like?
A good breastfeeding latch isn't necessarily completely sensation-free.
You may feel your baby attach, and some mothers notice a gentle pulling or stretching sensation as their baby begins to draw the breast tissue into their mouth. As your baby feeds, you may feel rhythmic, comfortable tugs as they remove milk from the breast.
But breastfeeding should not feel like:
- pinching
- biting
- rubbing
- scraping
- pulling at the nipple
- persistent sharp pain
- pain that continues throughout the feed
If breastfeeding is consistently painful, it's worth looking beyond the appearance of the latch and considering how your baby is actually attaching and feeding.
What about nipple damage?
If you're experiencing cracked, bleeding or damaged nipples, don't simply assume this is something you need to push through.
Nipple trauma can occur when the nipple is repeatedly exposed to excessive friction or stretching during feeding.
The underlying cause needs to be considered.
Usually the solution isn't another nipple cream.
It is changing how your baby approaches the breast, how deeply they attach, how their body is supported, and how you are positioned.
It doesn't have to look perfect
One of the biggest problems with breastfeeding advice is that mothers can become focused on creating the "perfect latch."
Perfectly flanged lips.
Perfect nose position.
Perfect breastfeeding hold.
Perfect alignment.
But breastfeeding isn't a static photograph.
Your baby is moving. Your breast is moving. Your baby is learning. Your body is responding.
Instead of asking:
"Does my baby's latch look perfect?"
Try asking:
"Is my baby deeply attached, feeding effectively and is this comfortable for me?"
That is a much more useful starting point.
When breastfeeding hurts, look at the whole feed
If breastfeeding is painful, don't just look at your baby's mouth.
Look at the whole feeding relationship.
Consider:
Your position
Are you comfortable and well supported?
Your baby's position
Are they close to you, aligned and well supported?
The approach to the breast
Can your baby orient themselves well towards the breast? Or are you bringing the breast towards them?
The attachment
Is your baby taking a generous mouthful of breast tissue?
The depth
Does your baby's lower face sit deeply against the breast?
The feeding
Is milk being effectively transferred?
Your comfort
Can you feed without persistent pain?
These factors are interconnected.
Sometimes a small change in positioning can completely change the way a feed feels.
What if breastfeeding still hurts?
If you've tried adjusting your position and attachment but breastfeeding continues to be painful, you don't need to keep guessing.
Persistent nipple pain can have a number of possible causes, and an individual assessment can help determine what may be contributing to your experience.
A breastfeeding consultation can look at you, your baby and the way you're feeding together, rather than focusing on a single "perfect latch."
Start with my Breastfeeding eBook
If you're looking for practical guidance you can work through at home, my Breastfeeding: A Guide for Mothers ebook is a great place to start.
The guide takes you through breastfeeding biomechanics, positioning, attachment and milk transfer, helping you understand why your baby's position matters and what you can look for during a feed.
→ Explore Breastfeeding: A Guide for Mothers
Need personalised support?
If you've worked through the guide but you're still experiencing nipple pain, difficulty with positioning or attachment, uncomfortable feeds or concerns about milk supply, a 1:1 Breastfeeding Consultation can provide personalised support for you and your baby.
Together, we can look at your individual feeding experience and work through positioning, attachment and practical adjustments to help make breastfeeding more comfortable and effective.
→ Book a 1:1 Breastfeeding Consultation